Thursday, August 24, 2006

Sorry Pluto

Kind of a bummer about Pluto . I recently learned the someone in Kansas discovered the big freaking rock in the first place. Once again, Kansas, you suck. . .

Monday, August 14, 2006

Is everybody scared?

Ok, just felt like a complete idiot by going to a meeting I probably really didn't have to go to. Most Adjunct just teach and that is it. They don't really care about anything else. You have to be full time to care, I guess. Well, I am weird in that I care and I am not full time nor do I care to become full time. Does a person really have to work fulltime in order to be revered in this society? Also, what is up with people dressing up all of the time . . .just seems silly to me. I dress up for my classes so that my students know I am the teacher - am young enough that most don't know otherwise. At this meeting people were dressed up - guess I assumed that since there weren't any students there was no reason for people to dress up - guess not. . .just think it is a really weird custom.

Oh, so about the being scared part. I remember as a graduate students how I felt like I was the most inexperience stupidest person there - felt that way again today. But. . .gradschool taught me that pretty much everyone else is, too.. So. . .I faked it. I literally felt like running away, but I went and faced my fears and actually talked to some people - including one of the speakers who spoke about how we need to revolutionize learning by focusing on teaching critical thinking. . .so true! Anywho - about shit my pants, but I did it. I short little conversation complimenting him on his talk. . .Approached him with confidence, and I could see in his eyes that discomfort I to was feeling thinking about the ways people judge you or how you do or do not make a difference. So, even that guy with complete confidence on the stage showed some fear. A very human trait - others are just more consistent at hiding of their true feelings than others. And in reality, they probably don't know themselves well enough to know how they are feeling. Maybe anyway. . .

Monday is haunting me like the no-bake cookies in the kitchen. . .

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

No snugglin' going on here

Yeah, it has been almost 7 months since my last post. Do I have anything to say - no not really. It isn't as if any of the people who would be reading this really look at this blog anymore anyway. It isn't as if any of those people update there own blogs, either. Also, don't even know if my friend abbzug is still alive - could have been eaten by a bear for all I know, or a large predatory vascular plant. Probably even more likely sucked dry by hordes of mosquitoes.

My summer/life has been quite a bore - I vote going back to school, again. But then. . .probably no babies. I sort of want babies. Boring ol' normal life with mortgage, car payment, student loan payments the typical thing. Don't even have enough money or time off to do anything exciting like go backpacking in Wyoming or somewheres. I don't need to go in the backcountry - just makes we scared and owly and whatever else because of my anxiety over the whole deal. But it is what I want to be doing - I just am not happy when I am doing it. What the hell is wrong with me, anyway! I swear. . .

Guess I am just going to have to learn to be happy puttin' up the harvest and making pasta salads while teaching the kids how to swim and ride bikes. No more exciting vacations in my future. . .doesn't seem like it is going to be possible, anyway. Probably will end up going to Touristland every year and spend way to much money not seeing anything real or truly native. . .

Can't travel around Romania with kids and backpacks. . .can't wait all afternoon for a bus we don't know is coming while taking potty breaks in the alleyway and feeding/petting stray dogs not to mention eating chicken flavored chips and bad beer out of plastic bottles for our meals with maybe a candy bar tacked on. Now. . .have to be healthy, work, in order to eat an much organic as possible. Work and save in order to leave town for a weekend that isn't spent with family.

Life gets more and more complicated the more and more organisms/things you have to/want to take care of. Now. . .I guess I work to get through it so that when retirement comes I am able to be free and travel and have fun again. So . . . got to eat healthy, exercise, save, save, save, pay stuff off . . . live the boring life until responsibilities go away.

Think the heat of summer and the air conditioning is getting to me. need fresh cool air and open windows and easy meal preparation - not to mention a regular meditation practice.

Off to prepare for the classes I am teaching this fall - I feel as scared as when i had to write my thesis. . .I know I am scared because I am avoiding it so well - I guess that is ultimately why you are getting this blog to read -

sweet procrastination. . .

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Slowly Snugglin' In

The first week of my classes was crazy, but good. Great in the case of my Environmental Science labs. I think the students at a community college may be different than those at a university - more appreciative, Mark suggested. I suppose that could be true. It will be interesting to see how the semester progresses.

Been working on organizing the house, still. No, we still don't have all of our boxes unpacked. I think I am ok with that. Mostly just crap that would need to be dusted isn't unpacked. Haven't really wanted to take the time to clean, anyway.

Tried one of the lovely restaurants in Eudora, KS this afternoon for burgers. I sincerely appreciated the atmosphere - minus the smoke in the air. It was one of those dingy old bars with rotted window ledges and that square linoleum you see everywhere that was built at least 20-30 years ago and not updated. Those wood/faux leather chairs that have the back that wraps around for an arm rest - those are pretty comfy, really. Anyway, food was ok - they have great waffle fries! We plan to make that a place we frequent in the future. Bad thing is the only decent beer they have is boulevard wheat, and that isn't very good to me. So, kind of made me feel better about living here. I really miss being able to ride my bike or walk anywhere I ever wanted to go for shopping and food. Eudora is not one of those places.

in other news. . .I have a 60 lb. lap dog. it is great!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

New Job

Holy Man!

I say this for several reasons the least of which are my new job, how long it has been since I have blogged, and the fact that my dog is trying my patience today.

Ok, so the short of it is that Fargo decided at 3 (and hour before I normally feed him) that he was starved and couldn't wait another minute to eat. I happen to be grabbing a snack for myself at the time, thus reminding him that he would rather be eating. Anyway, since I was trying to work on school stuff I let him roam and ring his bell upstairs for 45min or so before I fed him. Seemed like he did pretty good. Later on when I went up to take him out after he ate I realized that half of him leash was missing. . .OH MY GOSH! I freaked, thinking he had swallowed the half that was missing. I soon realized that the other half was sitting on the rug in the kitchen. Then. . .I was just pissed. He is definitely going through a phase - at least I hope that is what it is.

Blogging - just haven't taken the time lately. It really isn't as if anyone else reading this blog has taken the time either. . .so stuff it!

You might sense that I am a bit tense. I AM!!! Yeah. . .new job and stuff. Also, naughty dog. I have been working on getting my syllabi together for the classes I will be teaching - Principles in Biology Lab and Environmental Science Lab. Boy these things are a pain in the butt to put together. Just hard to know what to put. I know I will realize what I should have put after this semester. . .just trying not to have to learn too many things the hard way. Also, it doesn't help that I am not sure what labs I am going to be doing for the Environmental Science Labs in the first place. I wish I had an office with other people to talk to, and a desk that wasn't in a cold, cold basement.

Poor me. . .I got my ideal job. . and it is only part-time. I have a real tough life. Things will be fine after I get going, it is just getting to that point. I start next week. Surely I can produce a decent syllabus by Tuesday afternoon at 1.

I would like to chronical my teaching experiences in this blog, but feel it would violate privacy rights or something. Don't know. . .guess I could just not use names and stuff. . . also try to not mention the school name.

Later Dawgs!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Where has the Liquid Light gone?

Life is just too much for me today. Well, not life so much as my job. . .people really really frustrate me. I want back into my hole of people who share my beliefs and ideals. I am surrounded by greedy - not that I am not sometimes - ignorant, easily swayed folks. I know I don't have all of the answers, this world is so complicated, especially with humans in it trying to make everything the way they want it. I do like having things that I have that are because of someone's hard work, I just think that most people are really extremely out of touch with what is real and true in the world. Thinking Muslims are taking of the world and going to kill all non-Muslims is not rational thought. There is small fraction of Muslims that feel that way. I can guarantee that there is probably a larger group of radical Christians that would like the same thing. Why can't people just be nice??

I am taking this job as a big character building and learning experience. I am around people here on a daily basis that have completely different views that me. For instance. . .I said something about running away to Canada - a thought all of my former colleges would have agreed with. These people said - oh no don't do that there are a bunch of really bad people there. Canada is a bad place. . .what the crap??! They're Canadians. . .what seem to be some of the most rational people on Earth. I don't even know how to go about changing people's mind around here. I don't think it is possible. These are the type of people we are dealing with. . .these are the type people who are electing our presidents and congressmen and women, and ultimately running our country. I am losing hope. I do want to run away. For those of you who have known me to talk about this stuff in the past will know that I have always been very hopeful. Not right now. I am feeling like Arne. . .maybe not that down, but ready for some action. One thing that is difficult is that these are ex-military gun toting folks. Yikes!

Don't know what else to say - just want to huddle down and hide. . .will education campaigns really help?? I still sort of think so. . .but they are all listening to conservative talk radio and watching fox news and sports. How to make a change???

I am exhausted emotionally and mentally. I will drive on.
Peace - for real.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Where do I start. . .

I need to get some thoughts out of my head. I am going to start here, then try yoga/meditation, then on to a beer.

Work. . .yup- that is what is on my mind. I had a really crappy day today, yet it was pretty good. Figured out a bunch of stuff and even worked independently for a bit, but got into a mess with supervisors and supervisors supervisors. yeah, it is really stupid. This joint - The City of Topeka - is run in sort a military fashion. If you go above your supervisor - as one on the intern accidentally and completely unintentially did today, you get your ass chewed by your supervisor when the supervisor's supervisor chews his ass. yup, it is really really stupid. And, I think it was pretty much all my fault. I didn't get in trouble at all. In fact, I think somehow everyone likes and respects me more after today. I don't get it.

I have also realized after today that I have been really quick to judge and quick to talk - probably in not always appropriate situations. All of the people I work with are like this, and I have fallen into the trap. I hope to discontinue that - in fact, I have been working on that since the incident this afternoon. Everyone is not always professional, and we really should work towards that. Working with blue collar people does that do you. They tend to be good people, just not the most thoughtful at times.

So, yeah, for the most part I like my job and think I will continue to like it. I really hate the thought of having to move into Shawnee County and for that reason it is possible that I may not keep this job for over a year or two. Or until they fire me. It is in a bad location. Besides my supervisor really disappointed me today when he flew off the handle after he got chewed, when he obviously really hadn't been doing things properly. No one intended to point this out, however. I had the impression it was a issue with upper management.

Whatever, stupid stuff. I think I just want to be my own boss. This crap sucks. I plan to work on my own and set my own schedule whenever possible. Suck!

Love to all. . .